| Heart Like Suicide... or..something of the like. |
[16 Dec 2007|10:54pm] |
Recently I found my heart beating extremely fast. I decided to go to the ER because I was told by a doctor back in June that I might have ventricular tachycardia and I should see a cardiologist. I walked to the ER at about 1am. By time I got there my heart beat seemed back to normal. They did an EKG which came back normal. They took some chest X-rays and didn't see anything severely out of the ordinary. One of my ventricles is enlarged. So they said I probably had an inflamed esophagus and they gave me a "numbing" agent. I felt no difference but I was relieved that my heart was normal.
For the last two or three days, however, I've been begining to think that they just didn't catch something. My heart has obviously been in pain. The EKG doesn't show the staff what was happening with your heart an hour ago. It shows only what it's doing at that exact moment in time. Since dysrhythmias are episodic and only last a short while, the only way they would know is if I was in the middle of an episode. I can feel my heart.
There is a person I don't want to tell this too, because they are on a personal quest for understanding, and my health woes might disrupt their efforts. And it's none of anyone else's business, although I'll freely divolge this information. Not trying to hide it from anyone, but I don't want this one person to find out.
le sigh...
signed,
Ryan Roboto
|
|
|
[13 Dec 2007|09:23pm] |
Do something.
Change the world.
Signed,
Ryan Roboto
|
|
| Liberty |
[21 Aug 2007|09:20pm] |
It's not that I've been going at things all wrong; it's that I've found a better method for outreach. Compassion must begin at all points of life, and the easiest way to teach it is by showing compassion to the smallest of creatures. Lately I've gone vegan (understandably and logically), and have taken my quest to change the world to the helping of animals. I've been volunteering at PeTA, and will most likely be working there very soon. It's an amazing feeling knowing that I'm saving the lives and life qualities of animals by giving up all animal products and products tested upn animals (not to mention clothing produced by exploiting children and other persons in sweatshops); not to mention those I've been helping by educating them on the horrors inflicted upon animals for human consumption, experimentation, human fashion and human entertainment. I'm not giving up my fight against capital punishment, but I'm helping those that I know can be helped--those that will be born to a life on an assembly line. By taking part in animal exploitations, I was condoning an overlooked form of capital punishment--punishment of death against those who's only crime was being born a non-human. Logically if we can give up the practice of sentencing animals to death, we, as a society that holds ourselves higher than the animal race, can give up the practice of executing humans. Total animal liberation even means humans. I'm not saying to free all criminals--or even any. But they should be free from torture and unnatural death.
i heart my cat. and it's a shame to think that she's one of the lucky few.
|
|
|
[28 Jun 2007|09:50pm] |
Keeping in understanding that no one reads this; at least to the best of my knowledge, they do not;
I'm pretty sure I'm finished with my girlfriend. Haven't really been happy with her, her choices, or the way she presents us to others for about a month. She's not a bad person though. I just haven't seen myself as her boyfriend in a while. She's still fun. I just would rather be her friend than her boyfriend; which as I've said is pretty much all I've been anyway. I told her about this the other day, which I'm pretty sure scared her away. It was easier that way because I was going to Richmond for a little while, putting the ball in her court. When I got back, just as I'd suspected, she was gone; although neither of us has actually designated us as "broken up" yet.
Anyway, it's not a bad thing. It's a relief. Sleeping alone these last few days has been nice, especially since I've no job to go to right now--YES I'm out of the Navy.
Fun times :)
|
|
| Heart Like Suicide (Addendum to _____) |
[11 May 2007|01:24pm] |
When I stop and take a step back, I can see very plainly just how annoying the world really is. People die. Wars are fought. Men and women alike are executed without their vegeterian pizzas finding homes in the stomachs of the homeless--therefore the friendly bleeding hearts (like myself) must fill the void. In all honesty; I think the world is a sad, sad place because so many people would rather flex their muscles, drive fast cars, and prove how much of a bigger dick they have than the next guy (or nation) than to fill the world with color in which to play and call home. Shit. Smoke a joint. Get laid. Go dancing.
Mmmm... dancing.
I've been spending much time in VA Bch lately. Hanging out with the girlfriend. She doesn't live there technically. She's a P-town kitty, but who wants to live in Portsmouth, right? So pretty much every weekend we all pile into Chris' apartment and fill our bellies, veins and brains with alcohol. And it lasts all weekend. Fun times.
So I've been in the Navy for a few years and I'm finally done. Fuck the Navy. I have a month left and then I can be me again. The Navy is not a propper place for an artist/conscientious objector/bleeding heart liberal.
OK. I'm just trying to kill time but it's not really working. I'm going to try something else. I fucking hate work. One month.
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol. 2 Part X |
[27 May 2006|04:42pm] |
A Couple years ago I started corresponding with a death row inmate named Richard Vasquez. Although he admits to his crime, it is my belief that he is innocent of the special circumstances of his crime that were used to warrent a capital murder charge and his death sentence.
I found an article about his case and some of the circumstances around the problems of his case. The article is at http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/special/crimelab/2179941.html
Using this correspondence, as well as correspondence from other death row inmates and incarcerated serial killers, and the volumes of death penalty related statistics, facts, cases, etc; I have decided that eventually I will compile all this together into one, narrative volume.
Mr. Vasquez derserves to finish his life on nature's terms, and I wish him well.. and I wish him luck in his future endeavors. Richard's case is the one I have decided to which to dedicate the bulk of my efforts, even though I haven't heard from him in a while. Richard is a young, intelligent man; guilty of making a horrible mistake when he was just 18. I would hate to transfer his name from Vol. 2 to Vol. 1 (a memorial of deceased persons).
--from a letter dated December 13, 2004:
...we're living in a time where people's ideas are changing a lot. But when it comes down to the death penalty here in the state of Texas, things are still the same. This state don't show mercy, they just know VENGEANCE... The death penalty is broken here in this state, it's no secret...
--Richard Vasquez
Please write to the Governor of Texas and ask that he spare the life of Richard.
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol. 2 Part IX |
[22 May 2006|09:28pm] |
The Dead Body Text Vol. 2, unlike its predecesor, won't go on forever. I will exhaust it and move onto something else, perhaps Vol. 3 or maybe something altogether new. But for the time being, I will continue documenting these thoughts as they flow from brain to fingertips to computer. Vol. 2 is a strategic placement in regards to the time it has been formulated. It has a function, above that of Vol. 1, and above that of respect. This is something a bit more personal.
I've been following a death penalty case now for over ten years, pointing my finger in shame at the residents of West Memphis, Arkansas. Damian Echols and his two partners in crime have captured my sympathy, my respect, my urgency, and my attention since they were convicted of murdering three young boys in their hometown. There is no doubt in my mind, based on the evidence, or lack thereof, presented. Damien sits on death row at this very moment.
It is cases such as these that make me lose a little faith in humanity; that we humans are capable of tearing apart the lives of three teenagers and their entire families in a vain search for justice.. that our need for revenge outweighs our own moral judgement and logic.. that we can overlook every piece of evidence that not only says they didn't do it, but also points to someone else altogether.. we are still capable of repeating the actions of Salem residents during their infamous witch trials. There are so many humans alive today that would rather see death and murder perpetuated and expedited than left up to mother nature. This is where we all fail.
It's things as this that make me respect the Vulcans a little more. I'm no Trek fan, not in the slightest, but I bet Spock would have never found those three guilty had he been on the Jury. Instead of relying on his emotions to make decisions during difficult times in life, he uses logic.
I'm a conscientious objector. And as one, I've already made up my mind as to what I would do in the event that I should find myself with a loaded AK47, face to face with the "enemy." Let's just say that Lichtenstein might approve of the artwork I'd leave on the ground. All the power is in my hands.. and the choice is mine. I WILL NOT TAKE LIFE. But I'm currently powerless to help these three boys, so for the last ten years I have watched from the sidelines, hoping someone does the right thing. And my mind will not rest until I have seen justice served.. and The West Memphis Three are freed.
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol. 2 Pt. VIII |
[19 May 2006|07:45am] |
Death is an evil; the gods have so judged; had it been good, they would die.
These are the words of the 7th century BCE lyric poet, Sappho. Although I'm not much on religion as an agnostic, I believe the weight of her words is just as strong.
In early history people knew that immortality was perfection. And although we will probobly never achieve immortality, the idea of living a long, quality life is appealing to all.
More of my thoughts..
In 2004 59 people were executed in the United States. That same year, the US was the only country to execute anyone between the entire North American, South American and Oceania continents, which includes 53 countries. In 2004 all of Europe only executed 5 people, all of which were in Belarus. In fact, Belarus is the only European country that has an implemented death penalty. The third millennium has seen no other executions in all of Europe.
I wish I had most statistics as these for War, but I'm not sure really where to begin. I know how I feel about the subject. I'm about to take a big step in voicing this opposition. It may not be the most lucrative decision I can make right now, but it is what is right for me and my conscience.
I feel ashamed that I live in such a technilogically advanced country where capital punishment is so prevalent, and then there are third world countries like Djibouti that have never executed anyone. We need to get out of this redneck mindset that killing people is OK, because it's not. It's final and can never be reversed. It's obvious that so many people in this country lost their consciences somewhere along the way.
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol. 2 Part VII |
[17 May 2006|08:22am] |
Not everyone agrees with my beliefs, values, and morals, and that's ok. It's to be expected. I'm not going to condemn pro-war and pro-capital punishment persons. I'm not going to break into laughter if someone asked me to listen to their points of view, but I won't condone their actions either.
During times of tragedy, the media displays reports of persons of all backgrounds, race, religion, etc., coming together to help out their brothers and sisters. But the truth is what were they doing before tragedy? Why does it take tragedy to bring human beings together? I used to believe that all Palastinians should be removed from Israel, but over time I began to realize that everyone has a right to Israeli soil and every attempt at a compromise should be made. Maybe it'd take a dual government, maybe something else. I used to have an Israeli friend, whom told me that Israeli and Palastinian children played together but when they were older their parents put a stop to it, thus stopping a potentially unifying action at a young age.. and perpetuating hatred in the area.
I'm not sure what it will take for the world to be peaceful, but I do know what it will take for me to be peaceful. And that is all that I can hope for at the moment. All I can do is hope people learn from my examples. If everyone felt as strongly about the human race.. and lesser beings too.. the world would be a much more peaceful place. And I think that's the ultimate goal.. the answer to a utopian, united world society.. we can never have that and war together.
So anyone out there who judges me negatively based on my beliefs.. Fine. There's nothing I can do to stop that. But don't judge because you think you'd be against my beliefs and values. I used to think I accepted war, but now I know that I don't. I had to find out for myself what was important to me. What's more important to you all? Killing? Or being a unified world? It's not going to happen all at once, but the more people like myself who refuses to accept war as an option, the closer we'll get to being able to step foot on any soil of earth without fear of a terrorist attack.
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol. 2 Part VI |
[15 May 2006|07:50am] |
The Associated Press reported on Sunday, May 14, 2006 in an article titled, "Report: Military Ignoring Mental Illness" that there is a higher than normal suicide rate among soldiers in combat. The report goes on to discuss that last year twenty-two soldiers committed suicide in Iraq and that the military is ignoring signs of post traumatic stress and depression in order to keep missions manned.
This phenomenon represents the dangers of putting a gun into someone's hands and saying "fire!" It also points out the personal consequences of putting oneself into an environment where there are extremely hightened risks of losing friends to gunfight. I have personally witnessed the effects of losing a loved one to unnatural devices, and I know how disruptive it can be to mental health.
The police feel it. The military feels it. Executioners. The list goes on and develops into the basis of grief; innocent bystanders and those left behind.
It is guilt. Stephen Ambrose made a case for survivor guilt in WWII, a common phenomenon among veterans in his book Band of Brothers. One might feel luck that a bullet hit a comrade and not themselves, however over time they begin developing a strong sense of guilt that they have lived on while their comrades are deceased. According to Ambrose, this developed into many cases of self depreciation and embellishment in the actions of those who are fallen.
There have been many cases of suicide among civilian survivors of WWII in Europe, many of whom felt intense guilt over the holocaust. In 2002 I wrote a song, which happens to be one the favorite songs of my ex-keyboardist, Dani, called "Nation," which addresses the issue of guilt over the holocaust. It says, "Suicide seemed better for you / who turned your back on your back on your friends and neighbors / but give it time / they haven't forgot / now all they ask is for apology." It further details a story of a current era German soldier who is robbed and beaten to death in the streets. While working in a grocery store, I once wore a nametag with the caption "Stehe gerade für dein vaterland," or "Stand tall for your fatherland," which an elderly German woman replied with "We don't say such things in Germany!" Guilt is a strong emotion which has proven to dictate the attitudes, social understandings, behaviors, and even the government of an entire nation for the past six decades.
I think I'm through for now. But first I want to point out that there is no method for this series. I know it's a little late for me to be setting the rules, but I want to point out that there are no rules for The Dead Body Text, nor any other series or random update. Hell, spell-check rarely even makes an appearance.
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol2 pt5 |
[12 May 2006|08:03am] |
"It don't work."
Yet another botched execution. Joseph Clark was not pronounced dead until 90 minutes after the execution began. Media accounts of his execution show that witnesses heard "moaning, crying out and guttural noises." I hope that this serves as another blow to the theory that lethal injection is a humane way to murder someone.
Deathpenaltyinfo.org has documented 37 botched executions in the United States since 1982, but notates that it is not an all-inclusive list. Not to mention it only goes back the last 24 years of the death penalty in America.
On October 17, 1990, exactly 15 years to the date prior to my sister dying (possible murder), Wilbert Lee Evans was executed in Richmond, Virginia. His execution was remarkable because after the first jolt of electricity was passed into his body, large amounts of blood began spewing from his face. Evans, clearly alive and "moaning" after the first jolt, must have suffered unusually great before he was administered the second jolt.
This execution is extremely notable in reference to my anti-death penalty (and ultimately anti-war) beliefs because this was the first execution I can remember. I was barely nine years old. I can remember seeing on the news the protests against capital punishment prior to his execution. Needless to say that on October 18 I saw the news reports detailing the grizzliness of his death. I was horrified and even as a young boy, realized that capital punishment is wrong. Unfortunately for me, I struggled to exert my beliefs under a father whose views completely contradicted my own.
A short while later a woman committed suicide in my back yard while I was looking out the window at the moon. Her name was Julie C., 29, a rookie on the Henrico County Police Department. Just a year before this incident my grandmother died of ovarian cancer. Although I missed her funeral, I was present at her viewing and spent about 20 minutes feeling her dead skin. I had never felt anything like this before. And then it happened.. Milwaukee police said they captured a serial killer in the spring of 1991. I became obsessed with the case of Jeffrey Dahmer (a bit unusual for a boy my age) and followed it meticulously until his suspicious murder in 1994.
A woman later commented that I needed professional help to get me through what she considered to be a traumatic childhood. O...Kay... I would hardly consider any of this to be traumatic, but I guess not everyone can handle things like I can. Most kids are more interested in building forts and catching bugs, while I read about serial killers. Ok, I can admit that it's unusual, however I would stop way short of calling it traumatic. What was so traumatic about me having an interest in unconventional events and subjects?
Anyway back to Mr. Dahmer. It is my belief that the prison where he was murdered at the very least failed in many levels of protocol. And there's a high probobility that his murder was set up by over-zealous prison guards who wanted to leave their mark. But the sad part was that according to official reports from Dahmers priest, he had made great strides to becoming a better person and bringing meaning to his existance. He found religion and was teaching it to the other inmates. And he was bringing comfort to a highly stressful environment, only to be taken from it, taking with him all his goodness. Jeffrey Dahmer's story is a tragic one. My deepest sympathies have always gone out to him, his family, his victims, and their families.
It is these views that have led me also to believe that war is wrong. Logic: Murder is wrong. Murdering a murderer is murder. Arming oneself so that you can commit murder is premeditated murder in the court's eyes. Therefore if you go into battle and kill someone, you have committed murder. And don't get me started again on the collateral damage one murder produces.
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol2 pt4 |
[09 May 2006|05:31pm] |
Contrary to my adherence of anti-war/anti-capital punishment statutes in order for all societies to progress, I possess an obsession for death, serial killers, and the victims of violent crimes. I spend many hours per week studying subjects such as necrophilia, decomposition, serial murder, the death penalty, suicide, and murder victims. I wrote an article, which has since been rewritten by myself and others many times on Wikipedia, relating to the disappearance and murder of Taylor Behl. An old friend of mine used to date the confessed suspect. My latest obsession is the random and senseless murder of Anna Svidersky.. and how an entire nation and beyond came together in support of her family.
My interest in the Anna Svidersky murder was peaked by her obvious beauty and charismatic personae on Myspace.com, however it was then given foundation in the variables that could have been avoided that ultimately led her killer to McDonalds, where he would stab her to death. Rehabilitative efforts failed. It's safe to say in hindsight that he was not ready to be released from prison; not because his punishment was not affective, but rather because the demons in his head were not put to rest with treatment he recieved. He probobly failed to take his medications. He failed to find an alternative because he did not know that one was available. He told police that his intentions was to harm a female. Surely he was a case known to be potentially very dangerous, and therefore I would feel justified in keeping him institutionalized until he was obviously ready for release. Anna should still be alive today, but instead, because we put time limits on the treatment of dangerous persons and view their treatment as an administrative action, or punishment, he was free to make the mistakes that he made. Anna was not the only victim here. Her killer was his own victim.
I'm not defending him. Rather I'm pointing out the obvious; everyone would have been happier if he was never released until he was "cured" because Anna would still be alive and he would have a clear conscience.. free of guilt.
Guilt is the worst of collateral damage caused by murder. Those left behind pick up their lives eventually. The guilt of killing someone can follow that person for the rest of their lives.
John Ellis was an executioner in the United Kingdom. His guilt was so strong over his involvement in hanging Edith Thompson that he committed suicide in 1932.
This brings us full-circle to show just how damaging murder can be. One murder can cause the death penalty. And even executioners feel guilt. How many lives must be ruined before we learn that killing is wrong on every level?
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol2 pt3 |
[05 May 2006|02:49pm] |
|
As a human being, I've dealt with my own fair share of pain. Certain family members are crazy. One is dead, the result of murder? Or overdose? Relationship issues, both past and present. Sickness. Financial woes. But you know what? None of this compares to all the senseless murdering that militaries world wide engage. I can't be a part of that. So what that my checking account is empty. At least I have food and clothing. So what that my sister is dead and that other family members are a little whacked out. At least I still have family and friends. I can never be the person responsible for the look on an old grandfather's face when he hears the news that his son was shot dead. And I cannot condone that. I do not support war in any form, just like I do not support the death penalty. Death is final. There is no coming back and I'm sure that not a single person on this planet has definitive proof that death is not final. They might have an idea, but an idea is a theory and all it takes is one variable to prove it wrong. As far as any of us can see with our own eyes, death is in fact final, and I'm not willing to take the risk that the pain caused to all those left behind was worth it because the person I killed is now floating on a cloud somewhere playing air hockey with some cliche celebrity (like "Old Blue Eyes" or the like). There's enough pain going around in this world. Who am I to perpetuate it?
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol2 pt2 |
[03 May 2006|08:30am] |
My views on the death penalty/war are not based on religious beliefs. As an agnostic I am not persuaded by a belief in or a fear of god, but rather I am persuaded by my own experiences and logic. Sure, the odds are that if there is a god, he/she/it would be very saddened by the thought that humans killed other humans, but I don't base any of my beliefs on that. It all comes down to the "golden rule." Would I want someone else to kill me? No. Why should I assume, therefore, that it's OK for me to take part in killing another? I've been at this death penalty issue for many, many years now, witnessing great victories (Gov. Ryan) in addition to a few setbacks (Stanley Williams, for instance). I wouldn't call myself a radical left-wing, but I definately am not a right-wing. I believe that everyone should be left alone. People deserve their happiness and their freedom. There is a peaceful resolution to all conflicts. Mahatma Ghandi said:
In nonviolence the masses have a weapon which enables a child, a woman, or even a decrepit old man to resist the mightiest government successfully... He said that nonviolence is the most active force in the world. It is the weapon not of the weak... but of the strongest and bravest... No power on earth can stand before the march of a peaceful, determined, and God-fearing people.
Conversely, Martin Luther King, Jr. said that "The aftermath of violence is tragic and bitterness."
So basically, you pick up a gun, squeeze the trigger and a bullet ejects from the barrel and into a man's skull, tearing through grey matter, severing neuro pathways, and, if they're lucky, acting as a light switch that is turned to the "off" position. Then what happens? Is your point actually made? No, not really. It's just now there is one less person in the world who shares a different view. So we murder to weed out the masses. But we ignore the collateral damage involved. Is killing one faceless, nameless enemy combatant really worth leaving children orphaned, women widowed, parents childless, families torn apart in grief? The collateral damage that comes from one death is monumental. It is paramount to many problems that exist in civilized places today. It is what reminds us on a daily basis that killing is wrong. I can speak from experience. My older sister may have been murdered. I saw my mother breaking down over the corpse of my sister. I saw an entire family, my family, grieving over the loss. I saw almost a hundred people at her memorial service who were negatively affected by her death. And the condolences piled up over the next two months. Her death accomplished nothing, although there is no good that could have made up for all the pain all those numerous people felt. Sure, Christy wasn't going to be a doctor or a scientist or find a cure for some random disease, and for the most part she was a leeche on society, rather than a contributer. But her death brought nothing. She is dead. Lifeless. And I for one will take no part in perpetuating the pointlessness of murder. No living being will ever die by my hands as far as foreseeable circumstances allow me to believe. (I can't help it if accidently I step on a ladybug or something)
I've decided to start labeling these rants as part of "The Dead Body Text" because that's what the original DBT was all about; showing respect for deceased persons. This can be chaulked up as Vol2 pt2.
|
|
| The Dead Body Text Vol2 pt1 |
[01 May 2006|12:36pm] |
I like this journal better right now but I'm sure that'll change again once I grow bored with it. I know that no one (or at least very few people) read this and it allows me to be free.. even have a little fun with the content/words I choose to include.
But let's take a deeper look into that whole "homicide" issue. It would be safe for my worst enemy to assume that I mean no one bodily harm. I would rather life over death, even if presented with the most despicable human to ever live AND he/she had wronged me in the most horrible way, numerous times. I believe in peaceful resolutions to any and all conflicts and situations. That means violence in no forms should be used in any forseeable situation. I cannot project myself into unforseen circumstances, like alien attacks, self-defense/protecting loved ones scenerios, WWII hypothetical situations. I'm just Ryan, born towards the end of the twentieth century. And I cannot give an honest answer if posed with questions concerning any of those things. All that I can do is speculate, even though self defense and protecting those I loved is never a fair question, because I cannot ever know what I am going to do if left to depend upon my emotions. Luckily for me the Supreme Court agrees with me on all points made in this paragraph. *US vs Purvis (11th cir. court of appeals), Gillette vs US, Owen vs US*
It's quite obvious that I've been doing some research. In fact I've spent quite some time researching these things. It all started many, many years ago when I developed a firm, fixed, and sincere opposition to capital punishment. After becoming involved with my current job, I began to write to authors on the subjects, current death-row inmates, as well as people in high authority, such as judges, governors and even the President. After deciding that I could no longer condone the use of deadly punishment, I began to realize that I was working for an organization that condoned just that; the use of force/murder/severe bodily harm to get their point across/to engage in premptive actions to ensure their point is known/to punish people. So where does that leave me? Well, I'd be a hypocrit if I ever picked up a weapon and joined in on the action, therefore I never will, even if forced. That is why I am studying up on my legal rights. During the Vietnam war, the Supreme Court decided many cases dealing with Conscientious Objection. Also there has been much precidence created since then, including one very important case in 2005 involving a Sailor who refused to board a ship that was combat bound.
I've been through this type of thing before; standing up for my beliefs. At Kroger I refused to work in the Deli anymore on the grounds that I had decided to keep kosher. That since has changed, but I have not dropped those kinds of beliefs. Instead I find it harder and harder to condone eating animal meat. That was a small victory compared to what I am going for right now, but I am willing to put myself though any and all grief if it means that I get to stand up for what I believe in and I won't let the big government/military push me around.
Hmm.. more on this later; that is definately forseeable. Besides, I should keep a running history of my feelings.
|
|
|
[25 Apr 2006|08:42am] |
It's time once again to make the time go by a little faster (and to save space by using really tiny text). Let's see, where to begin? I think I might make a real update (y'know.. everything truthful). I can't remember the last time I said anything about my life (ie. where i've been etc) in this journal.
Lately I've been working on music; lots and lots of music. I've been doing remixes, new songs, joke songs, ambient soundscapes, etc. I'm doing vocals for a band in Richmond. The ex-keyboardist from Synthetic Nightmare's band, Aggravated Apocalypse. I'm not actually going to be in his band but we are going to do a decent amount of collaborating. He said he's moving to Virginia Beach in a few months. I finished a really emotionally moving song the other day. Andi and I believe it resembles a cross between "Moment of Tranquility" by ApB and "Something I can Never Have" by NIN. I wouldn't call it my masterpiece, but it's the best slower song I've done yet. Dani's been out of the band for a long time, but he's still going to make an appearance on my next album, via keyboard parts he wrote when we lived together. The Moniker, Eleven, is also making a few appearances on The Rigor Mortis Girl (additional programming, vocals). I've written many live versions of my songs (both old and new) and hopefully once I get a new keyboardist or two, I'll be able to start performing those again.
Relationship is good. It's nice to finally be able to focus on our feelings than the other circumstances. I've never been with someone who understood me so much.. and is as intelligent as she is. Dating her gives me a little more faith in the world. Now I know that there are others out there like myself.
I realized I haven't changed my oil in forever. I've been quite lazy. My apartment is looking pretty messy too. But I've actually been doing dishes on a semi-regular basis. I need to be a little more proactive when it comes to my errands (sp?).
Yesterday she and I drove to 7-11 and got drinks, ice cream and some sandwhiches. Then we drove to the park near my apartment. We talked and ate our food in the shade and watched little children falling down and getting hurt. I ate a klondike bar. After I was finished eating, this 2 or 3 year old blond boy ran up to me appearing to point at my shirt. He stood there for a few seconds before I realized he was pointing at my hand, thinking I still had ice cream. I felt bad when I opened my hand to show him it was all gone. He stood there, puzzled for a moment and then forgot about it and ran off. Me, Andi and his mom all were laughing.
I'm tired of people asking if I did something that I didn't. I know someone's been telling these people lies about me. And they know it too. Like for instance; I haven't called anyone crying in a long, long time, especially not on a date that is in the future (like a specific date in June). I wish the person spreading these lies would stop, if not because it makes them a bad person, then because they should realize that not everyone believes them and will come to me and tell me what they heard and who they heard it from. It damages their credibility. But most of all, it shows how immature they can be. So for their sake, I hope they act grown up.. because I'm not above enacting revenge on someone who slanders me.
Well, due to me having to stop typing a few times to do actual work, this has taken up about 45 minutes of my day. Yippie! Now I'm going to go start working on lyrics for that guy I'm going to sing for.
|
|
| the progress |
[13 Apr 2006|11:50am] |
although i have a studio log, i don't update it that often. so here's what's really been going on:
a few posts back you can find a little information about the song i'm currently working on. it's a pretty cool song. groovy but slow.
i've completely finished 2 new songs (princess, the rigor mortis girl) as well as 1 remix of princess. i've received a couple remixes of princess from other remixers. there is a song i started writing when dani was still in the band. it was supposed to have a lot of guitars in it but since he left i'm not doing a guitar version of that song, and therefore may not do the song at all.
i'm still waiting on andi's vocals but it's not her fault. we're both so lazy when it comes to recording them. she wants to sing on this new song i'm working on, which would be awesome.
things i need to do: live version for "decay" and "princess" and "the rigor mortis girl" and "dead battery". also add some horror movie samples to the live version of halloween hex.
when i pay down my credit card, i'm going to buy that microkorg keyboard/vocoder i've been eye fucking for the last 4 months.
|
|
| another list of death and doom |
[12 Apr 2006|09:04am] |
bands i've been in (in order of when they started):
god, work can be boring. at least i get paid to do this crap.
( Read more... )
|
|
| the plot thickens |
[11 Apr 2006|09:21am] |
i've been doing music for a long time. here's a list to cure my boredom:
( Read more... )
|
|
| this is what i'm working on for new song |
[07 Apr 2006|08:31am] |
100bpm.
in C major, add 7th
main part
ea1=
part1: sq (osc1), deci (osc2)
part2: analogue bass (w/mot. seq [dist. on beat 25/64])
both part 1 and 2 have severe (pt1) and mild (pt2) delay
triton=
hybrid strings/choir (80s casio style) for intro
arp
electrosynth (resembles dist analogue synth from 70s) complimenting pt1 and 2 of ea1
breakdown strings keeping depth
so far no drums but i'm doing a version with drums once this is finished.
i've only written the first 40 measures (do the math if you want to figure out how long that is).
it doesn't really sound like anything i've ever written before. i like it. it's somber. it's beautiful. it makes you want to take a bottle of antidepressants and chase it with a bottle of vodka. i'm excited about this. i'm taking a lot more time making these new songs the best that i can make them. i really want a few people to help me out too, maybe even with vocals (because i'm not really a singer--at least i've never tried).
|
|